so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
