I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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