So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
