I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Me too!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
