every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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