You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
