Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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