K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
