I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
