Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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