No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
