just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
youre lurking in front of me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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