i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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