phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
