how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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