I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
