I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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