I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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