Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
