k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
