you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
