The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
