left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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