Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
