so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
