seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I need to calm my uterus...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
