id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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