the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
