I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
