Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
