Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
