Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
