You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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