you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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