So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
