He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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