Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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