He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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