Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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