Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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