I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
