Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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