I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There r osticjed everywhere
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize