just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
