it wasn't lemon gatorade
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
