she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Farmville is her only friend.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
