Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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