Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
