the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
