My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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