I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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