im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you win again, gameday.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
