talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize