Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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