I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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