This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
