You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize