got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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