i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
