His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
