woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think my fart just growled at me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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