I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize