Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
