he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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