Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize