Already got asked if we're dating
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
