how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
