Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
