Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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