I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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