If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
