Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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