i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize