i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Let's paint friendship bongs
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
