Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
