WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
