so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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