currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
