but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
