I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
