she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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