he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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