Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
