That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
