There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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