I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
