Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
