Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
