I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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