Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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