You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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