singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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