dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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