my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize