Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
