i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
