youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
